If I Were a God
If I were a God, I'd walk out at the hottest moment of each day when every living creature is holding its breath and hiding from the sun’s magnificence. I would not hide. I'd walk out when no whisper of breeze can be felt. I'd stroll out through this dripping stillness to the middle of my orchard. I'd stride easy and confident through the tall grass and find my perfect peach tree, my queen among fruit trees.
If I were a God, I will pluck that perfect peach, ripe and hot and bursting with juices. I will pluck that perfect fruit, burned rosy by the sun, and I will thank my perfect tree and stand bare chested with my feet planted firmly on the soft ground and I will bite through the sun blushed skin and the juices will explode in my mouth and run down my chest and I will consume that sexual fruit, smacking my lips and sighing with pleasure and raising my arms to the great blue sky. I stand strong and proud before the blinding eye. I do not cower in the shade like the other animals.
If I were a God, I'd live my life simultaneously. All at once. Of course I can! I'd throw away this Tick-Tock-Track we go along on our singular path towards death, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. No more of that for me. I am done with that! I'm a God now and all things happen to me in one moment.
In that one moment, when hot peach juices flow down my throat and the sun scorches every blade of grass and wilts every leaf. In that one moment, I'll also be on a mountain top in early winter and a storm is brewing and a wind is blasting hard pellets of snow against my face. My fingers and toes are frozen and I'm chilled and thrilled to the bone with the strength of this other God, this greater God than me.
In that one moment, I spin through a grand kaleidoscope of many moments and I see inside each moment as if I were looking into shimmering blue droplets. And inside each blue droplet is a small story.
If I were a God, my blood would be blue. And I'd cut my blue vein and endure every story that flowed forth. And every story is without ambiguity. Every story is a harsh assessment and I do not turn my eyes away in shame or fear.
If I were a God, even a minor God, I'd love every note on an endless scale. I'd know how to love. I'd know how to leave. I'd know how to arrive.
If I were a God, I'd be humble. I'd be compassionate. I'd know my wrath. I'd love my righteous anger!
If I were a God there would be no equivocation. Because I see all things at once.
If I were a God, even a very small God, even a tiny God, I would move without effort through this turmoil.
If only.